The Ultimate Cylon Experience!

A GWC listener recently asked an interesting question that I thought would be fun to pose to y’all:

If Battlestar Galactica were to become a theme-park ride, what would you like it to be? A themed boat ride like Pirates of the Carribbean, a screamin’ Viper-ride rollercoaster, a bungee drop, a no-gravity chamber surrounded by 360 degrees of video from Exodus, Part II?

My idea: We could all ride in individual tubs of goothatglide on a smooth track through a model basestar. Then at the end you stop in a house of mirrors where copies of yourself are all around your tub. Cool!

This one’s just for fun. Let’s hear it!

34 Responses to "The Ultimate Cylon Experience!"
  1. habu73 says:

    Long time listener, first time poster, love the podcast!

    My idea, recreate the Galactica falling through atmo from Exodus, Part II ala the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror at Disney. Have the falling, shaking, pump some hot air in to simulate burning of the hull and your crossing your fingers that someone is gonna hit the FTL button before you come crashing down on New Caprica…

  2. Mike P says:

    The ultimate BSG theme park experience? A Raptor ride to the good battlestar herself, where we have to land quickly in the landing bay because DRADIS has just picked up a whole frakking swarm of Cylon raiders. Then, we’re all herded out of the raider and into CIC in time to experience the jump to FTL a la the miniseries. On the other side of the jump, we all get into a Viper cockpit to go up against Scar and his (her?) brethren. And, since it is a theme park, it should not be possible to lose! (Although, if you do, then I guess could be the nasty shock of waking up in the tub of goo — ack, I’m a Cylon!) 🙂

    Cool topic, Audra and anonymous listener!

  3. Bugs says:

    I’d like to see the ride Ellen. Forces greater than nature toss you around. It’s fun, crazy and you feel despair and helplessness as you have no idea what’ll happen next. A glass of Ambrosia is handed out at the start of the ride. Women going on the ride with their boyfriends beware as Ellen will try to steal them away.

  4. Miguel in Los Angeles says:

    I picture a ride much like Star Tours (TM). Instead of the Starspeeder 3000 the BSG version would have a Raptor. Instead of the RX-24 wise cracking droid we’d have Racetrack and Athena as our pilots.

    The line for the ride would be the interior of the Galactica hanger bay with cast members (employees for you non-Disneyland insiders) walking around as characters. We’d have Chief Tyrol and maybe even Cally look-a-likes.

    The story of the ride would be much like the story of the Star Wars ride. Flying into a basestar and unloading a nuke (like in the show) would be the culmination, replacing the death star trench sequence. It ends with one of Sharon’s famous shitty landings.

    On the way out of the ride we would be herded into a BSG themed store filled with amazing collectibles including Baltar branded condoms and Col. Tigh brand Ambrosia.

  5. Pike says:

    Is that the ride with dozens of Nekkid Sharons? ‘Cause if it is, I want a day pass.

  6. Armando says:

    My BSG ride would be “Is there a God?” In the ride, you take on the persona of “Head Six” and spend five minutes in a simulation of Baltar’s lake house pondering the mysteries of God’s will. Think about it: it’s perfect for Epcot! 🙂

  7. IceCap says:

    Great posts! How about a Capricaworld? This would be like a “Westworld” version in which visitors get to dress like colonial pilots and team up on a set that looks like post-nuke Delphi. Your object is to out shoot the cylons (and the occasional rat) and find a Heavy Raider or Raptor in which to escape. Extra points for finding anti-radiation meds, making toast, or discovering your girlfriend is pregnant AND a cylon.


  8. Pike says:

    I would pay cash money for a ride where you get to ‘threepio’ a Centurion.

  9. Tanu says:

    Good one Armando! i’d want a two part ride – one part with what Armando said; the second…well anything no gravity would frakking awesome!

  10. The Alpaca Herder says:

    IceCap proposed a Capricaworld. I would go for a CapricaWorld2 in addition to Capricaworld that showed life on New Caprica.

  11. Edphoto says:

    Are you seriously asking me about a ride in a place where there could be an infinite number of 6’s? My wife (who is 9 weeks pregnant) just said I cant go.

    p.s. Keep me posted about a Las Vegas meetup. I’m still pissed I knew nothing about the SF one because I just learned to read.

  12. Luc says:

    They could call it “The Swirl”. You lie on your back and then…

    If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be in my bunk.

  13. Browncoat_Bryan says:

    LOL@ Luc and Bugs.

    I’d personally would love a full Viper experience in one of those 3D rigs. Imagine doing those turns in zero-g (not just the Star Wars turns, but the “real” Viper turns like we saw in “Scattered”).

    I’m not thinking much of a ride, but more of a spa. Just like Las Vegas has the “Star Trek Experience”, we can do the same thing in a spa. We’ll call it the “Baltar Experience”. In this one, men are stripped down and enjoy a refreshing and exfoliating bath in warm oatmeal goo. They are then given white terrycloth robes and are escorted to a fainting couch in a room with soft glowing white lights and a red light passing back and forth on the wall. They are massaged by two blond-haired women (we’ll call them Three and Six) who while massaging them, tell them to “project their own reality”. They are then led to a T’ai Ch’i class with an Asian lady named Eight (sorry, y’all, she can’t be naked, but she’ll have a flesh colored suit on). On your way out at the end, you are given a fortune reading by the Hybrid.

    Now, I know there are women out there saying, “Hey, what about us?? You’re being downright sexist, Browncoat_Bryan!!!” Never fear, ladies. I’m looking out for you, too. See, the experience will be the same, however there are minor differences. Ladies, you will experience the warm, exfoliating goo bath as well. After the bath, you will don a white terrycloth robe and be escorted to the fainting couch by an old man in a black turtleneck and a dude in a pimped out blue polyester suit. Once on the fainting couch, you will be massaged by Leoben, who will whisper in your ear that you will break down and tell him you love him. In the end, you will learn health tips and proper care by Simon and then receive your fortune from the Hybrid as well.

    “What about the kids???” you all may be asking. Why, the kids can go to the “Story Time with Helo and Athena” or “Fun Times with Chief and Callie”. The “Helo and Athena” event will teach about tolerance. The “Chief and Callie” event will teach about fairness and work ethic.

    Fun for everyone!!!

  14. Edphoto says:

    So Browncoat_Bryan, it sounds like this will be taking place in Las Vegas. A “family environment” where adults dump their children and run around pretending like they are single…I’m there.

  15. Tanu says:

    HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Browncoat the women’s section of this spa doesn’t sound too appealing… lol.

  16. Phil says:

    How about the water ride called the Starbuck Interrogation Experience…

  17. Stroogie says:

    Holy frak, Phil, that’s evil. And awesome. The ride ends with an animatronic Roslin pulling a lever, the bay door opens, and visitors are blown out of the ride by a superpowered vacuum toward a wall of black velvet dotted with sequins. A tub of goo waits below to catch them.

  18. Audra says:

    ROFL Browncoat and Stroogie!

    I think I could dig a relaxing oatmeal goo bath. (Actually, I had one of those when I was about ten and got chicken pox.)

  19. Audra says:

    Welcome, habu73, Bugs, and Phil – Hope I got all the new people! Glad to have you at the ‘cooler.

  20. Leon Kensington says:

    I want to be airlocked by Roslin. Then wake up in the tub of goo and find myself surrounded by 6’s and 8’s.

  21. Thunder Pig says:

    The Asteroid Battleride that ends with a seat-smashing lift away as you outrun the Fuel Dump explosion.
    The Battlestar Drop sounds excellent!
    And a laser-tag or paintball duel against Centurions is required.

    How about a scavenger-hunt in a maze where you must piece together clues about the location of earth as you keep just one step ahead of the Cylons. Also, beware skinjobs in your group!

    An arcade for the kiddies, and souvenir shop for all!

  22. fuzzyelf says:

    mine would go to the tune of “Whalers on the Moon”..we carry a harpoon….

  23. 13th Cylon says:

    lol at Browncoat Bryan- Storytime with Helo and Athena! Oh my… Hey, don’t forget Tigh. He could just do a drunken rant for hours on end and let the kids touch his socket and weird craap like that. They could call it, “Time with Ol’ One Eye” or something like that.

    Really though, do you want to go to this themepark? If it’s anythink like Disney or Universal, the sections would probably be Caprica, Kobol, New Caprica, and a ship. Caprica- get cancer. Kobol- very high chance of death. New Caprica- gross, looks like Dagobah without Yoda. Ship- shovel kitty liter, hang around those hippy Sagittarons, no windows. And to keep it real to “33”, you’d have to do the Viper ride about 30-40 times in a row.

    But they could have a crazy guy dressed up like Baltar out in the parking lot preaching (assuming that he is a cult leader in Season 4). That would be amusing. Goo in the beard!

  24. Michael says:

    Hi, guys. Long time since I posted, but just got home from work (it’s 3:05am) and was flipping through “ain’t it cool news” and found a very interesting piece about BGS season 4. They had some kind of big press to-do on set and apparently, the actor who plays the Chief let slip some MASSIVE spoilers about season 4. Not sure if it’s all true, or if he was put up to it by RDM (who knows we don’t trust to just cause trouble, but it is very interesting, none the less.
    I won’t even begin to say anything about what was said, but if you want to check it out, do so and let the confusion begin.

  25. Luc says:

    Thanks Michael, it was indeed interesting. I had a link to the actual interview but lost it, it’s in 2 parts, rather long and Michael Hogan participates, although he is casually late. Interesting to see him out of character, he is laid back, smiles a lot, almost the exact opposite of Tigh.

    Anyway, If you want to find it, it’s somewhere in
    which is the best place I have seen for links to information about BSG, a sort of hub to the best out there.


  26. Armando says:

    There you go, Luc. I’ve not been able to watch it all the way, alas, because for some reason about ten minutes into part one my browser freezes and shuts down. Fraking Cylons!

  27. Luc says:

    Thanks Armando!
    There is rather long interview with Mark Shepard linked to on sitrep. He comes off as a really likable fellow in real life.

  28. The 13th Cylon says:

    My favorite part of that panel was hearing Aaron Douglas talk about running into Robin Williams (of all people) and him going “ga ga”. I just don’t think of a comedian like Robin Williams saying that BSG is his favorite show. I think he should be the Cylon god. Heck, I’d even allow him to be the 13th Cylon and I’ll take #14.

    And Luc, great news site/blog there. I’ve been looking for one since it seems like everytime I find one, the site just stops getting updated after a while.

  29. Audra says:

    Welcome, Thunder Pig, and wb, Michael!

    Thanks for the links and tips, all! And we’re appreciative of y’all keeping any major spoilers on the DL.

  30. Timbuck says:

    Pike said:
    Is that the ride with dozens of Nekkid Sharons? ‘Cause if it is, I want a day pass.

    That is why Pike is Way Coolest GWC Listener (WCGWCL) by far!

    add Lucy Lawless and I am THERE!

  31. Timbuck says:

    Any Philly-area folks here? Lots of newbies…


    We would like to do a bigtime Philly-Meet-Up in August and want major representation from the whole area (NYC, NJ, DE, MD and E PA).

    The Philly meetup 2 for Transformers was greaaaat!*


  32. Timbuck says:

    The ultimate Cylon experience would be inside a Raider being chased by a drunken-yet-focused Starbuck. Try and evade certain death/resurrection by just not being blown to bits!

    Stims optional.

  33. GoldCylon says:

    Well years ago Universal Studios had a Battle of Galactica tram ride for the original show. Bring that back would be cool, but never would happen. Coming up with an new show based off the new series would be great. The BTTF ride just recently closed, and will be used as the new Simpson’s ride. Maybe using the old E.T ride, now the Mummy ride could be a great place to have a Galactica ride based in a Viper, or Raptor. Flight simulator of a battle with the Cylons.
    PS Check out my web site
    for vintage Battle of Galactica video, and photos.

  34. Pike says:

    Larry’s Dad is in the house!!!

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